Days of Awe

The Days of Awe are upon us. I shiver in expectation of what they will bring. In spite of my fear I am grateful and,    I am in awe of Neil's creativity and concern for me and others as he travels this path. I know he does not want to leave me. A few  days ago he said  "I am so hungry for life, for the beach, for feeling the wind and the sun on my face". I will never go to the beach again without hearing his words or feeling his presence.

Thursday he had a wonderful day. A massage and a visit from his dear friend John Lindell,with whom
he shares a love of Kakfa, and with whom he always has good conversations. At bedtime he said "I had a such a nice day."

Friday hospice had to come because he had a blockage.  As Morgan, our most loved hospice nurse,  began the process of unblocking his obstruction, he asked for an opera. I put  Opera's Greatest Hits on the CD player", which I will now always think of as music  to have an enema by.  I don't know many people who giggle during this procedure, but laughter mixed with a few yelps  is what I heard as I closed  the door.

 September 18 is Neil's 68th birthday. He made it very clear that since this will be his last birthday,
 he does  not want a birthday party. No cake, no candles, but he would not mind if people came  over to  make him laugh. Because our bedroom space is limited, we invited the  essential core of our Sarasota support team with the challenge that they must do or bring  something that will make him  laugh.... a joke a poem, a costume. They all willingly accepted the challenge. I hope Neil will be up to  to receiving  it.

Since yesterday when they administered  large doses of morphine to get this through the "unblocking" experience,  he has not fully gained his momentum. He is sleeping most of the time and having conversations with people who are not here, but they are here for him and he is enjoying them. During the night he had a lovely chat with his brother in law, Ricchard Strausz, whom he adores. He also had a chat with Daisy the 5 foot 80 lb dog Marla and Mike gave away 6 years ago (Ben was allergic). He invited her to jump up into bed with him so he could pet her.

His heart beat is slow, low and irregular, he is in and out of consciousness but becomes alert every now and then to ask me if I remembered to buy pretty flowers for the table and to tell me to make sure to buy enough lox.

So we are planning a party with jokes as I watch Neil sleep and fade away. So typical of the way he has lived. his life..................  Live life up until the last minute. Grab as many laughs as you can.. Enjoy the company of good friends.. Set a beautiful table. Make sure to have more food  than you need when you have company No one should  leave hungry. Make sure to always have flowers on the table and to make attractively designed food  platters.
As we enter  the days of awe, Neil remains in awe of the wonder of his life, in awe of  the wondrous gift of our children and grandchildren. He is in  awe of  the love he has received from family, relatives and friends  from far and near. Bless all of you and thank you for your gift of friendship. We feel your love  and it is a source of comfort and support to us.   I dutifully read Neil all of your emails and he so enjoys them.

May the Days of Awe be filled with  gratitude for your life's blessings and as you have blessed us with your kindness, may you be blessed.
Cheryl