GIVING THANKS

Neil’s spirit was very much with us at this, our first Thanksgiving without him. Marla Joel and I brainstormed on how best to honor Neil’s  memory on this day. Most of the ideas revolved around charity/Hospcie/Giggle Fund.   . It  suddenly became clear to me how to best honor Neil.  Yiddish was the language of Neil's heart.. A language I have long  shunned as “old fashioned”. The language our parents spoke when they did not want us to understand them. Our four grandchildren will have their first Yiddish lesson. This is how we will honor Neil today.

I perused our bookshelves studying  Neil’s extensive library, noting how much the books we collect tell  about who we are and what we value.  I choose a book called Essential Yiddish and proceeded to  select   the words that our grandchildren would learn this day, 10 words to start. I left the task of how to teach these words to Joel and Marla, both very creative teachers.  Marla suggested  each child make a book,  with one word on each page to be illustrated by them. I liked that idea, and we will do that.

Joel embellished on the plan, by gathering the kids around us ,  asking one of them to bring him a glass of vassar (water) while telling them that we are all mispochcha (family).  He wove a tale using the Yiddish words  on the list.   The kids were encouraged to guess the meaning.  This was followed by review games, the final review game was for the kids to create and perform a skit using each of the words.  They met the challenge  and entertained us with their “creativity.”  I will continue to send new lists of words and Yiddish expressions via email. It will be Joel and Marla’s task  to teach them to their children.  L” dor v dor.
Hopefully in our own small way the Rudin/Gluck family will keep a bit of Yiddishkeit alive.  Neil would be
so pleased.

As I sat at the Thanksgiving table in Marla and Mike’s lovely  home, I took in the faces gathered at the table. Lynn,  Mike’s mother, my much loved friend, sat to my right and Michael on my left and all around me other beautiful shinning faces. Jordan, almost six, asked each of us to participate in her school projeclt. We were to write our answer to  this  sentence:   I am thankful for………..
We willingly complied. After completing the task we each read the responses that ranged from:
I am thankful for my good looks to I am thankful for my family. But it was Jordan’s response that won my heart.  “I AM THIANKFUL FOR THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING THAT’S IN IT.” It does not get more inclusive than that.  Me too, Jordan, me too.

Thank you Neil for the gift of the family we have created together. We each mourn you in our own  idiosyncratic  way and at our own pace, but as Zack so well stated, we each have a piece of your heart in ours. And there it will stay.  You live in us and in the faces of our grandchildren. You are so alive in us, my sweet boy.
Cheryl
Novemeber, 2011

THE GIFT, November, 2011

 Last night I had the pleasure of  having Zachary Samuel Gluck, our 7 year old, firstt born grandchild, spend the night. From  an early age  it was clear to us that Zack was  precocious. At the age of four, he began  to ask  me math questions that sent me scurrying for answers.

It was also at that age that he started to talk to me about God. “How do you know about God?“ I asked.   

“Oh It is something I have always known”, he quietly replied.  Zack is an  old soul. 

Before bedtime, we played some  games. After clobbering me in Connect Four, I realized I was out of my league. He  is able to think several  moves ahead and  approaches the game with a well thought out strategy.

 I, on the other hand,  fly by the seat of my pants.  I decided to  teach him how to play  gin rummy,

 feeling on much safer ground ,as I have played gin  for many years and have some card sense. Perhaps it was

 beginner’s luck, but after loosing three games of gin rummy, I  suggest that we read together, thinking  reading would be much gentler on my bruised ego. However, not having been in my condo for a year, I did not have many age  appropriate books. I did find our wedding album on the shelf, June 23, 1966, clearly written the album's cover

 This would it be a good opportunity to  introduce him to his  great grandparents and his great, great grandparents. He carefully examined all of the photos and asked who the two teenagers were. "That’s your Aunt Brenda and Uncle Frank", I told him. Brenda and Frank are my  younger brother and sister, who were 15 and 16 at our wedding..  “Wow”! he exclaimed., “  I never would have never recognized them.”

After going through all of the pictures,  I closed the album, and it was then that he asked me a question I was not prepared to answer.  "Do  you know where Pop (Neil) went when he died”? , he asked me.

  I  hesitated, and then fortunately had the wisdom to ask him what he thought.

“ Well, he said, I have been thinking about this all week, and the answer  became obvious to me.

  When Pop died, his heart broke into a million pieces and everyone he knew got a piece of his heart.”   

 Now it  was my turn to say “ Wow! “

We do all have a piece of Neil inside of us. When friends came to visit, he would often take their  hand 

and hold it over his heart and say, “ I am imprinting you on my heart, so that I will have you with me wherever I am going, but  maybe what  he was  really doing was making a list of who would receive a piece of his heart.

As  long as we live, he will too. 

Zachary, thank you for the gift you gave to both Pop and me this morning.  

Your words made me cry happy tears. Thank  you for sharing your wisdom with me.

Bubbie /Cheryl

Afterwards

I have a new title. One I did not ask for but none the less, was thrust upon me. Widow..... The taste is bitter as it rolls off my tongue. 

Neil spent the last 4 months of his life in bed, but being who he was, he made the best of it. Our days were filled with joyous company. People came from in and out of town. His good friend, Natalie, came and read to him in Yiddish.  Evenings were spent with me reading  from his favorite writers. Once his father, who died many years ago, stopped by to listen in. Neil saw him clearly and was thrilled by his visit.

 Thank you to all of you who came and filled our days with fun and laughter. It brought the outside world in and it was a gift we can never repay.

We never expected Neil would loose his mind; he was his mind, but on Sunday Oct 16 the unthinkable happened. He  took leave of his senses and for me that was the day he died. He was no longer the Neil I knew. My best guess would be vascular dementia. He was in bed for so long and had no circulation, but the cause does not matter, living with the result was the issue. I would have not survived without Hospice.They moved him into  a Hospice House, where he stayed for 2 weeks.  I slept there every night except for the night he died, 11/1/11.  I think that day  was chosen for him because he was truly one of kind.

I do not want him to “rest” in peace. I want him to soar and play and be embraced by the parents and grandparents  he so cherished. 

Shiva was filled with love, laughter and good memories and  wonderful stories. Michael Strausz, our nephew spoke lovingly about his Uncle Nei and talked about how he l influenced his career choice. Michael  is a professor because of Neil, and he wears Neil’s regalia with pride. Neil knew this and it gave him great pleasure.  He and Neil had long talks together about academia.

On  Monday Nov 7, Jordan, our soon to be 6 yr old grand daughter got up early and hopped into bed with me for a snuggle and some girl talk.  We talked about  her love for  horses.  I remembered how much  Neil used to love taking our children on mystery trips so  I told Jordan that we would be going on a mystery trip t later that  afternoon. This would be an early birthday gift for her sixth birthday.

 We arrived at the horse back riding farm  with my sister, Joel and Deb, Marla and Mike and all 4 grand children. It was an  incredibly beautiful day, the air filled with the smells and sights of fall.  As we got out of the car, we were greeted by Al the owner of the farm. 

 Al,  because of  advanced MS, was in a power wheelchair, a chair that enabled him to traverse the farm. He told me his wife was a saint. She takes such good care of him. He was full of jokes, his smile punctuated by laughter. He laughed  the hardest at his own jokes. 

 “Life is short,”  he told us, “we need to laugh more.”

 We nodded our heads in silent agreement.  

“You must love horses very much”, someone  responded.

 Much to our surprise Al said “No, I wouldn’t care if I  never saw another horse again in my life, but my wife loves horses and I love my wife.” 

Ahhhhh, I thought, Al  had discovered the secret to a happy marriage:  Love your partner more than yourself. 

I was familiar with that logic because I had experienced that kind of love.

Lucky me.   Lucky Al.

Cheryl