I have a new title. One I did not ask for but none the less, was thrust upon me. Widow..... The taste is bitter as it rolls off my tongue.
Neil spent the last 4 months of his life in bed, but being who he was, he made the best of it. Our days were filled with joyous company. People came from in and out of town. His good friend, Natalie, came and read to him in Yiddish. Evenings were spent with me reading from his favorite writers. Once his father, who died many years ago, stopped by to listen in. Neil saw him clearly and was thrilled by his visit.
Thank you to all of you who came and filled our days with fun and laughter. It brought the outside world in and it was a gift we can never repay.
We never expected Neil would loose his mind; he was his mind, but on Sunday Oct 16 the unthinkable happened. He took leave of his senses and for me that was the day he died. He was no longer the Neil I knew. My best guess would be vascular dementia. He was in bed for so long and had no circulation, but the cause does not matter, living with the result was the issue. I would have not survived without Hospice.They moved him into a Hospice House, where he stayed for 2 weeks. I slept there every night except for the night he died, 11/1/11. I think that day was chosen for him because he was truly one of kind.
I do not want him to “rest” in peace. I want him to soar and play and be embraced by the parents and grandparents he so cherished.
Shiva was filled with love, laughter and good memories and wonderful stories. Michael Strausz, our nephew spoke lovingly about his Uncle Nei and talked about how he l influenced his career choice. Michael is a professor because of Neil, and he wears Neil’s regalia with pride. Neil knew this and it gave him great pleasure. He and Neil had long talks together about academia.
On Monday Nov 7, Jordan, our soon to be 6 yr old grand daughter got up early and hopped into bed with me for a snuggle and some girl talk. We talked about her love for horses. I remembered how much Neil used to love taking our children on mystery trips so I told Jordan that we would be going on a mystery trip t later that afternoon. This would be an early birthday gift for her sixth birthday.
We arrived at the horse back riding farm with my sister, Joel and Deb, Marla and Mike and all 4 grand children. It was an incredibly beautiful day, the air filled with the smells and sights of fall. As we got out of the car, we were greeted by Al the owner of the farm.
Al, because of advanced MS, was in a power wheelchair, a chair that enabled him to traverse the farm. He told me his wife was a saint. She takes such good care of him. He was full of jokes, his smile punctuated by laughter. He laughed the hardest at his own jokes.
“Life is short,” he told us, “we need to laugh more.”
We nodded our heads in silent agreement.
“You must love horses very much”, someone responded.
Much to our surprise Al said “No, I wouldn’t care if I never saw another horse again in my life, but my wife loves horses and I love my wife.”
Ahhhhh, I thought, Al had discovered the secret to a happy marriage: Love your partner more than yourself.
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